My family gave the world the best holiday gift ever yesterday by releasing our 2011 holiday card. Well, a PORTION of the holiday card. For some reason they cropped out the arch featuring Brody and Brandon Jenner, Avril Lavigne, and me. The good news is that thanks to this card bowties will finally be out of fashion in 2012 and I will therefore not have to spend as much time around mother’s gross neck skin. I have received a number of inquiries about what I will be purchasing my siblings for Christmas, so I have decided there is no better time to answer everyone until now:
Kim: A trip to the Australian Open. I figure if she starts dating a tennis player then she will have to be completely silent at least three hours per match. You’re welcome, America.
Kourtney: My most boring sister will be receiving a special 3D edition of “American Psycho” so she can find out how she will soon be murdered.
Khloe: Chaz Bono. He’s recently single and I really think the Oprah Winfrey Network can benefit from the ratings that this transgender couple would inspire.
Rob: A leech. Maybe he’ll finally be able to understand the meaning of his nickname. More likely he will just place it on his penis and brag about being blown 24/7.
Kendall & Kylie: Rings. NuvaRings. Because America television doesn’t need a Teen Mom 3.
Until next time,