Dear Diary,
Mason is already flipping off paparazzi while wearing a ridiculous outfit at the age of two. So happy to see he’s inherited the family’s sense of Klass. God, Darwin would have a fucking field day studying nature vs. nurture with this kid. It’s like he was natured to be gay but nurtured to be FABULOUS.
Until next time,
Kinderella
Dear Diary,
I have recently become OBSESSED with the Faces of Meth website because I find poor people’s problems simply fascinating and I love that I can laugh and throw up at the same time. It’s the best diet ever! However, imagine my surprise when I found the photograph above. So, so sad.
Until Next Time,
Kinderella
Dear Diary,
Kourtney, Scott, and Mason just got back from an exciting family vacation in Mexico! I’m not exactly sure what they were taking the vacation from, but I got tequila out of the deal so I won’t question it. That pregnancy weight really suits Scott well, look at how he fills out that shirt! Kourt and Scott stayed at the home of their dear friend Joe Francis, the creator of the postmodern video series Girls Gone Wild. Mason looks so happy in this picture because he knows the next vacation will likely be at the Moonlite BunnyRanch in Nevada where he can see full on vag. I’m so pissed he’s not gay because this family needs a homosexual. Think of all the marketing opportunities!
Until next time,
Kinderella
Dear Diary,
Mother and Kimmie went to church yesterday! I think Kimmie wore those jeans because they were in style when Jesus walked the earth. It’s very evident my sister is trying to rebuild her image after that whole marriage failure thing, she’s even starting a Bible study! Jesus loves you, Kim, but everyone else thinks you’re a skank.
Also, they are totally texting each other in this picture.
Until next time,
Kinderella
Dear Diary,
And the award in Best Photoshop Achievement goes to…
I hope those little Asian kids making these jeans get a working wage if the jeans are magical enough to make my two hag sisters and one half sister look like THIS compared to how they normally look.
Until next time,
Kinderella
Dear Diary,
I feel like I disappeared for a week. Mother’s fecalist found a few extra skin cells in her colon, so I’ve been nursing Mother back to health from her revolutionary intestine-lift. She’s the first person in America to undergo the procedure and is unfortunately still alive to talk about it.
Things have been exciting around the house now that Kim’s breakup has FINALLY aired on E! More importantly, Kendall and Kylie are on the March cover of Teen Vogue. The best thing about this cover is that Kylie proves that she is truly the Khloe Kardashian of her generation by playing the ugly sister role. Just kidding…the best thing is the Hunger Games Special! Peeetttttaaaaaaaaaa!
Until next time,
Kinderella
Dear Diary,
I think the Kardashian empire might be crumbling. Kim went shopping this weekend with a Lady Gaga impersonator wearing jeans that she presumably bought in 1998 and a maternity shirt that she seemingly borrowed from Jessica Simpson. While all of that is sad, the most tragic thing is that no one told Kimmie that even she, a complete and utter butthead, couldn’t pull off wearing a thong on her head. I don’t know how to be poor. I’m so scared.
Until next time,
Kinderella
(Source: Daily Mail)
Dear Diary,
Khloe and Rob seem to have been having a good time doing country folk things in Texas. Khloe just sent me this picture of her, Rob, and a bunch of strangers on a farm. I guess I’m supposed to be happy and excited for them, but this picture scares me. WHERE IS THE HORSE’S BODY?
I guess Khloe got hungry :(
Until next time,
Kinderella
(Source: Daily Mail)
Dear Diary,
Gary Busey’s lesbian sister joined the family at the Lakers game yesterday in Los Angeles. Oh wait, it’s just Bruce with more surgery scars on his face. At least we know that Bruce fully respects the integrity of spending time at the Staples Center.
Until Next Time,
Kinderella
Dear Diary,
Kim is going to be co-hosting Live with Kelly! on January 23rd. I have to admit that this is pretty much the perfect job for my sister. All she has to do is sit, look pretty, and talk about herself. I don’t want to jinx it (yes, I do), but I think Kim might actually excel at something reputable in the entertainment industry for once! I am concerned, however, that Kim’s appearance might break up Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos’ marriage. I don’t expect Mark to stray, but I fear Kim might try to be penetrated by Kelly Ripa’s bellybutton, which surely counts as adultery.
Until next time,
Kinderella
